Playing Zombie Dress-Up

Take a moment to visualize a scenario where, in just a matter of days, the towns that scatter southwestern United States become forgotten. Thousands of vehicles are toppled and abandoned along the vast desert highways. Uninhabited by humans, this region is now home to zombies: flesh eating creatures that will stop at nothing to fill their stomachs. This is the world in which the critically acclaimed zombie apocalypse comedy, Zombieland (2009), took place. Four armed survivors scour this wasteland in search of human civilization. On their drive west, Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock (whom are named after their birthplace) take a stroll through Hollywood and find themselves inside the mansion of a mysterious "BM". As Columbus and Little Rock explore the movie theater, Tallahassee and Wichita awake something upstairs. It limps into the lounge, moaning, and creeps closer to Tallahassee. Wichita cracks a golf club across its legs, only to realize that it’s not a zombie. A closer look reveals that it is the house's owner Bill Murray (who stars as himself). After Tallahassee exclaims his admiration, they visit Columbus and Wichita in the theater. Bill "humorously" begins acting like a zombie and, in the end, gets himself shot by Columbus. Was impersonating a zombie truly beneficial for Bill to survive the zombie apocalypse?

Tallahassee (left) and Columbus (right) kicking butt

To understand why the television star decided to paint his face, wear a wig and act like a zombie, we must first become familiar with these types of zombies. Throughout the movie it becomes clear they can be outrun and are easy to fool. Anyone who’s seen Zombieland knows that Columbus’ #1 rule of Zombieland is cardio. Although they are alert, according to Columbus, it is easy to survive if the zombies simply cannot catch up. His trigger happy fingers (also his 25^th rule: shoot first) also gives him and other witty survivors the upper hand. Bill must’ve deduced that the zombies were brainless before the infestation spun out of control. In this case, his zombie impersonation was not beneficial to his survival, even though he had the right motivation in mind. It is easy to see where he was coming from though because odds are that a band of survivors isn’t going to wander into your house considering all the other safer places to hide. But then again, it’s easy to combat the zombies; courageous and trigger happy utilitarians could eventually cross your path before the apocalypse ends.

A real zombie apocalypse may produce very different zombies than the ones in Zombieland. Overall, it boils down to how the zombies detect scrumptious human beings. Do they see, sniff, or even have a sixth sense? Anything is possible when preparing for a world under attack and we have to assume the worst in order to guarantee our survival, right? Zombieland’s hungry inhabitants use their eyes to determine who is dead or undead, giving clever survivors like Bill the upper hand in the war against zombies. Other fictional zombie movies give insight to other ways of detection. For example, in the recent apocalypse horror World War Z, the zombies used their sense of smell to identify suitable hosts. Simply dressing up as a zombie won’t cut in this world, so more difficult measures had to be taken. If a disaster like this were to occur today, the safest way to survive is to stay hidden and not risk your life by trying to blend in. Until you know your enemy, assume anything. And even if you know they lack any form of intelligence, beware of the common utilitarian gang who will not hesitate to blow your head off.

This topic is also consistent with our non-apocalyptic life today. Immanuel Kant would agree that to be truly honest and true to yourself you must not impersonate other people you know or anyone but yourself for that matter. Even if you’re just trying to blend in to a new environment, you are not improving your well-being by pretending to be someone you’re not…unless, of course, if you’re surrounded by drooling, lifeless zombies who consider you one of their own.

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